Yesterday this country mouse headed into the big city of London. I went to the Grand Designs Live Expo down at the Excel. I must apologise to the London residents that I keep meaning to go and visit. But the day was for me to get out and look at stuff without the need to talk and socialise (if that makes sense).

The expo itself was good, not as good as the one I attended 2 years back. Lots of hard sell by energy companies this year. I got nabbed by e-on, spent over half an hour with this guy wanted to sell me their latest fuel package. He succeeded, well until a climate change person thrust a leaflet into my hands. The e-on guy said “what is that” I said “a leaflet on the impacts of making solar panels” then his mood went quite aggressive toward her. That was the point he lost his sale. Last time I checked we lived in a free country.

This year there were a hell of a lot of solar panel companies there. Even Sainsbury’s tried to sell me a solar panel deal.

The reason I went to the expo was to look at self builds. I have a pipe dream. I want to build an eco house that does not pay anything to the gas man or the electric man. In fact I want the electric man to buy back from me. As I say it is a pipe dream.

A great highlight for me was seeing a really great chef Martin Blunos doing a cooking demo. He made a risotto from finely chopped broccoli stalks, looked fab. There were also loads of fabulous sculptures and carvings etc. Sorry to all the folk I probably spammed on Instagram and other social networks, well those of you who still look. But as like most folk I don’t get into London as often as I would like.

On the way back home I went for a bimble down Regent Street and Oxford Street, a bit of retail therapy, didn’t buy anything though.

On the train journey back I was captivated by a young lady who was receiving messages to her BlackBerry. She would get a message and her face would beam then she would break into an uncontrollable smile. It’s a look that is only made by someone who is truly in love. It made me smile and I felt happy for her because I know only too well what that feeling is like. When someone makes you smile at a screen, anyway this is why I shouldn’t write blogs I go off subject, well that and my grammar and spelling are shit.

Any hoo, I know the self build is a pipe dream and probably will never come true. But sometimes you need pipe dreams. Life can be really shit and crappy, pipe dreams or any dreams make it less so.

Some days you can loose site of things and the people you love.

Lately I have been making huge mistakes in my life.

I just wanted to say sorry here.

Today I want to say I am trying my hardest. I am trying to be the best “human” I can be.

Ok that’s enough, go on, nothing to see here

“blogged from iPhone”

I want to be her world.

I want to be the first thing she thinks of when she wakes.

I want to be the last thing she thinks of before she sleeps.

I want to be the thing she dreams of.

I want to be her only fantasy.

I want her to be real.

To much to ask for?

He is trapped in the murkey world of secrecy, a life that cannot be told or shared.

She has a hugely public profile, all over media and social networks.

They randomly meet via a social network site and start talking through that site. They share secrets and intimate details. They fall for each other in a huge way. They want to be with each other.

He is a prisoner stuck behind a wall of secrecy and is torn by this huge conflict within his soul. He wants to leave the underworld behind and be a free man so he can love and be loved.

The sad thing is they may never meet due to his life.

Something like this doesn’t happen in real life, does it?

Interesting.

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